(independantexpress.net)
In Togo, although the traditional family model persists, unions are increasingly fragile, resulting in a strong single-parent family presence. Our latest investigations have revealed a considerable presence of divorced or separated persons who sometimes take sole care of one or more children. In 85% of cases, single parenthood is predominantly maternal. There are many of them, these young women today with one, or several children who are not married or separated from their spouses: they are called single mothers.
Indeed, in neighbourhoods, families, towns and villages, it is not surprising to see a single woman with one or more children. This phenomenon is becoming more widespread. This raises questions. The editorial board of the Independent Express has pushed investigations on the subject to learn more about the causes, consequences, and approaches to solving this problem, more than a problem becomes a scourge that plagues society.
We have gathered various opinions, and therefore that of a sociologist on this subject. According to ADABA Koffi Amessou the causes are multiple: the first, the fragility of relationships nowadays is a main one.
"Couples who are often in this situation don't have a solid foundation," he said. They get together without necessarily projecting themselves into the long term and then when a pregnancy occurs, they quickly encounter difficulties of incomprehension or even financial that lead to separation. He adds that it is pregnancy that reveals the quality of a relationship.
Indeed, according to some testimonies of single mothers collected, it is the poor quality of relationships that sometimes leads to the flight of responsibility of some men.
Abla, a 22-year-old single mother, tells us about her troubles: "I am the mother of a 2-year-old girl. When I learned of my child's pregnancy, I kept my partner informed of the situation. Unfortunately he refused to take responsibility and abandoned me with all the charges so far. Today my child is two years old but I have a hard time rebuilding my life because I have lost all confidence in the male gent"
However, there is also another factor that is sometimes not very visible but very decisive: the rejection of certain couples by the family when the pregnancy occurs.
The family of the boy or girl sometimes contributes to the celibacy of the young woman. Following a pregnancy, the rejection of the couple by the family gradually leads to separate the two partners because they do not find support.
Sometimes these financially immature couples (lack of autonomy) are forced to resort to family. But when this dependence persists, the family eventually interferes with the couple and imposes its authority. The couple remains at the mercy of the family. While in the meantime the beautiful family still does not fully accept the girl or the young boy in its midst, it creates discord between the couple and the two spouses eventually separate despite having had a child.
Another significant factor is the extramarital affairs of some men.
Some unsasy married men have intimate relationships with young women. Sometimes these men hide their status as married men. And when a pregnancy occurs, discord arises and the couple separates. A situation that leaves the young woman to the status of single mother.
However, some believe that these women are not still victims. They are responsible for their situations.
The deliberate choice of some women
According to some accounts, some women may deliberately choose to live the life of celibacy even having a child. They are often nostalgic for their youth, and fail to focus on a single relationship. They therefore engage in sexual libertinism with several partners. Sometimes in these adventures, they contract pregnancies without knowing the author. These children are thus born without a father and these wives without husbands.
On this aspect of the thing, opinions are divided. For example, the sociologist ADABA Koffi Amessou who gives the benefit of the doubt to these women. For him, even if this choice seems to be real, it is nevertheless dictated by the social constraints suffered by these women. These may include previous disappointments, economic constraints among others: "As proof, no woman preferred such an option until the evening of her life. Most of the women who make such statements are in the 25-40 age group," he said.
The phenomenon of single mothers beyond being an individual problem and is a real social scourge with multiple consequences. In first on these women themselves.
These women who do not often have financial support go into prostitution in order to support themselves and their children. Also generally, single women struggle to find a husband for many reasons. Either because the man is afraid to take responsibility for the care of the woman and her child, or because the child does not accept his future stepfather and creates situations to separate the mother from his mother.
On the other hand, these mothers do not live up to their children's education. This poses a real problem for children in society. These children are often hateful of their father and have behavioural problems.
Society, in general, is affected to the extent that single mothers are sometimes dependent on their families. And their children often have difficulties integrating into society (difficulties in education, social support,..) which leads some to depravity and delinquency. Sometimes these often unwanted children are abandoned prematurely by their mothers, either in gutters and/or on dumps. Those who are lucky enough to be dropped off in orphanages or taken care of by social centres.
On the other hand, it should be noted that a single mother raising her daughter alone is likely to create another one later.
The girl will feed the same hatred for men and will not be able to focus on a single relationship. She will thus become pregnant without knowing the author.
Also these mothers are victims of social rejection. They lose all confidence in themselves and then in the male gent in general. Some of them make the decision to remain alone forever which affects the image of society.
A society where the rate of celibacy or single mothers is high is social pathology because celibacy is not a well-regarded social status.
In the end, the phenomenon of single mothers is an evil that weighs on society. This is the place to call on marriage counsellors to help couples in difficulty, through their advice to overcome their differences in order to guarantee living together. On the other hand, NGOs and associations need to create more programmes for young people to raise awareness about sexuality in order to avoid and unwanted and early pregnancy.
For couples who have not yet regularized their marital status (traditional marriage and/or civil marriage), practice family planning (PF) to avoid unintended pregnancies.
Above all, avoid opportunistic relationships of purely economic interest.
These approaches to solutions, although difficult to apply, remain the safe means to reduce the phenomenon that is multiplying day by day in our societies.
Courage to all those single mothers who fight day and night to ensure a bright future for their offspring!
www.independantexpress.net
Diane OLOBI